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10/2/12

Vulpine News (Vulpine: Sly Like A Fox)

Bookmark and Share In the interest of explaining the estimable Fox News and its highly reputable spokespersons, I have provided a lexicon of words used on the network. The words needed explanation and so to promote their valuable brand of, errr, uhmm, journalism, I list some below.
~Big Labor. Unions, in case you don't know, are destroying this country and bankrupting corporations. If you didn't know you have not been watching Fox.
~Birther. Everybody knows the President was born in Kenya and not Hawaii. Right? How come people don't realize that his birth certificate is a forgery? It's the establishment media that lies to them.
 ~Establishment Media. All other news outlets except Fox.
 ~Obamacare. The universal health care system that will drive this country to ruin according to every commentator on Fox.
~Terrorist Fist Jab. The gesture President Obama once made on greeting a friend.
 ~Obamanation. Well, just think of abomination.
 ~Eurosocialism. This is just a step away from Marxism and Communism. It refers to affluent "Eurosocialist" North European nations such as Denmark, Sweden, Norway, and Finland, whose citizens are prosperous and enjoy a high standard of living. Everybody knows, though, that Karl Marx is ready to rise from his grave in revolution to make them communist.
 ~Free Markets. You've gotta admit, this sounds nicer than capitalism.
~Food Stamp President. The same guy who showed the Terrorist Fist Jab.
~Imam Obama. The Terrorist himself, of course.
~The 47% Who Don't Pay Taxes. These are the real moochers, unlike heroic business leaders. A family of three making $30,000 pays no Federal Income Tax. It is of no consequence that through payroll taxes, sales taxes, property taxes, and state taxes the family nonetheless pays 15% and more than Romney's rate.
~Job Creators. Rupert Murdoch, Mitt Romney, and other heroic businessmen.
~Penalizing Success. Making Mitt close his offshore accounts.
 ~Makers. Mitt and Rupert, of course.
~Takers and moochers. The $30,000 family or people living in poverty.
~Lucky Duckies. See takers and moochers, above.
~Secular Progressives. Those godless liberals.
~Traditional Values. Believed in only by Republicans and Fox News. ~Conservatives. God-fearing Christian folk as distinct from Secular Progressives.
~Liberals. Actually, this profanity is rarely spoken by Fox News. Instead, you will hear it as "the L-Word." Sometimes, though, you will hear "Elitist Liberals" and "College Professor Liberals" to make sure viewers understand that these people are too hoity-toity to be believed.
~Illegals. All Hispanics. Period.
~Blanket Amnesty. When Obama decides to tear down the border fence.
~Libertarians. The good guys. They replaced what once were known as moderate Republicans.
~Global Warming Pseudo-Science. Be careful and don't believe those College Professor Liberals.
~Liberal Propaganda. As distinct from what Fox tells you, which is truth.
~Fair and Balanced. The most interesting of all buzzwords used by Fox, which says (1) it is not clear Obama was born in the USA; (2) most scientists do not agree climate change is happening; (3) the stimulus caused job losses; (4) most Republicans voted against TARP; (5) the economy is getting worse.  (More)

In defense of Fox News, you must understand this. Basically, God loves Fox and Republicans and America. And He hates taxes and anyone who doesn't love those other three things. Fox commentators have been blessed by God to speak on behalf of all Americans, and any challenge to what they say is immoral.

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