Flat Earthers Unite: Politically Correct Text Disclaimers

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I recently joined the Flat Earth Society because after thinking about the implications of the Old Testament, and after serious and careful consideration I concluded that Columbus was wrong. He did not sail far enough. Had he sailed past China he would have fallen off the edge of the world. He would have fallen into Hell. Satan would have sentenced him to its lower depths to burn in fierce-red flames for wanting to know too much.

The same goes for Darwin, Newton, and Copernicus. They wanted to know too much.

As for me, I'm content to bask in the ignorance God has bestowed on me. Adam and Eve ate of the Tree of the Fruit of Knowledge and look at the legacy they left us.

In the public weal I am proposing some stickers I found for public school textbooks. I sincerely offer them in the best interests of future generations. Our children are threatened by an atheistic, socialist government that wants them to know too much. The stickers are warnings to be placed inside the front covers of biology, physics, and astronomy textbooks.

Because the government and the ACLU will take school boards to court, the stickers can only be advisory and are politically correct. I am confident that some parts of Texas will implement them immediately. Here they are:

This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living organisms. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered.

This textbook asserts that gravity exists. Gravity is a force that cannot be directly seen. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered.

This textbook explains heliocentrism, the theory that the Earth orbits around a centrally located sun. By definition, then, the theory also holds that Earth is not the center of the universe. Students should be encouraged to fully consider the evidence for, and the evidence against, this theory.